Yahoo! Groups : lawaktanpapermit Messages :Message 23 of 84

Jam Tentera
Ada spekulasi yang mengatakan Najib tidak layak jadi Menteri Pendidikan
kerana dia TIDAK SEBIJAK MANA. Bila dia ditukarkan ke Kementerian
Pertahanan, orang masih bertanya: Adakah dia layak? Cerita dari sumber kedai kopi melaporkan: Najib telah melawat pengkalan tentera TLDM Lumut. Diiringi dengan Pegawai Pemerintah, Najib disambut dengan Perbarisan Kehormat. Setelah selesai perbarisan, Pegawai Pemerintah menjerit, "Semua yang bertugas untuk dinner malam ini sila lapor diri di balai pengawal pada JAM 1930." Pegawai melihat Najib berkerut dahi kelihatan agak keliru. Pegawai itu berbisik kepada Najib, "Jam panjang pukul 6, jam pendek pukul 7".
------------------------------------------------------------------

Reformasi Webmaster Job Opening adapted from Designstop
The role of Reformasi Webmaster is a challenging position. Reporting to the
Board of Directors the webmaster is responsible for all aspects of
publishing. The mandate is to develop the site as a world class resource for
reformists everywhere. The applicant for this dream job must be accustomed
to working long hours with limited human contact. Prodigious output must be consistently creative and responsive to the site's users. The successful
applicant will also have the planning, writing, graphic, and internet-related skills necessary to create the quality content with limited assistance. The applicant must also have an aptitude for the marketing and promotion of the site. In every respect the applicant must do a better job than Mr. Khalil Yaacob has done; fortunately the Board does not believe those boots will be difficult to fill. The applicant should understand that the job requires an enthusiastic attitude and the ability to "pack and run" at a neck breaking speed - whining to the Board will not be tolerated. The schedule for this dream job is seven days a week without vacation or benefits. Remuneration is not commensurate with experience or ability; the webmaster job opening requires a love of the power of creation. Email a brief outline of why you deserve a shot at being our webmaster. It can be sent to Jobsearch@Reformasi.Net; all submissions become the property of the
Board and cannot be returned. Your personal information will be treated in a
strictly confidential manner. Oh! One more thing, we'll attach a self-destruct mechanism to your computer just in case "those people" drop by for a visit. Note: Please quit your day job and put your life on hold awaiting a call for an interview.

Thank you for your time,
Rformasi.net Chairperson

Alcove Consulting is an equal opportunity employer. It does not discriminate
on the basis of ability, stupidity, skin color, sex, race, age, national
origin, criminal record, physical disability, drug use, height, weight,
illiteracy, attractiveness, incontinence, infectious disease, eye color,
fashion sense, shoe size, health status, number of Michael Bolton
recordings, marital status,education, use of foul language, security
clearance, dental hygiene, political affiliations,musical preference,
cholesterol level, hair length, designer labels, color blindness, foot
fungus, golf handicap, fingernail length, vocabulary, emotional challenges,
phobias, stand on gun control, religion, paranormal ability, net worth,
karma, credit rating, IQ, photogeniality, lineage, sexual dysfunction,
apathy, fan club memberships, neck size, plant care skills,or even body
odor.

THE WEEK AFTER CHRISTMAS From: POLARISIS4
>
Twas a week after Christmas, and all through the house,
Not one PC was working, not even the mouse.
>
I turned on the power, but nothing was working,
I grab the computer and start banging and jerking.
>
I laid out three grand for this piece of junk ?!!
Now on January 1st the damned things gone Kerplunk!
>
I turned on the tv, the cable is down,
My microwave oven is making wierd sounds.
>
> My new VCR is as dead as a rock,
Not one light is blinking, not even the clock !
>
It's twenty below, the peak of cold season,
The furnace won't work, so all pipes are freezing.
>
I laughed for a second and thought it all funny,
Then i called up my bank in regards to my money.
>
"We managed your pension and savings with care,
but for some odd reason, your money's not there"
>
"We thought we'd be ready, we thought we'd be heroes,
but regret to inform you your balance is Zero !"
>
I dropped the reciever, to the bathroom i rush,
I push down the handle, the toilet won't flush.
>
I turned on the faucet, not one drop hits the sink,
I head out the door to the pub for a drink.
>
I jump in the car, turn the key in the switch,
It only goes "click", i say "son of a @#%@*@!!"
>
A computerized ignition has just sealed my fate,
It's not set up to handle the "2000" date.
>
I twitch like a madman, this cannot be true,
No car, heat or money, what on earth can i do?!
>
So shouting obscenities, i run out of sight,
Happy Y2K to all, It's been one hell of a night !!!
------------------------------------------------------------------

Dr. M Kahwin Lagi
Suatu ketika Megat Conet menceritakan kepada Dr. M kehebatan isterinya,
Ziela. "You tau tak, I mula terpikat dengan dia bila I tengok dia BERLAKON
dalam filem pertamanya.LAKONANNYA sungguh hebat. Dia sepatutnya dapat anugerah PELAKON terbaik pada tahun tu. Tapi I lupa nak hantar cadangan pada Tok Mat supaya pilih dia. Lagi satu yang I minat kat Ziela ni, dia manja dan selalu kata I ni perkasa di bilik tidur." Kata Megat Conet kepada sahabat baiknya.

Malang tidak berbau. Seperti orang-orang lain yang rapat dengan
Dr. M, Megat Conet juga telah dikhianati dan disumbat kedalam lokap.
Teringatkan cerita kehebatan Ziela, Dr. M pun mengambil kesempatan melamar Ziela yang kesepian. Mereka pun berkahwin. Pada malam pertama, Ziela berkata kepada Dr. M, "Abang M, You lah orang yang paling perkasa." Dr. M menjawab, "Bukankah dulu you kata Megat Conet yang paling perkasa?" Ziela pun menjawab, " You tak tau ke? Itu semua hanya LAKONAN sahaja."

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/lawaktanpapermit/message/84 Subject: Dr.M's Test Paper


Why Dr.M doesn't practice medical anymore? Here's the reason. We found this
test paper from his University.
-------------------------------------------------
Name: Mahather Kutty Mohd
Major: Medic
Result: F

Abductor: pollicis brevis Brave policeman kidnapper
Adenoids: Space creatures that are keeping Elvis alive on Pluto
Aerobe: A garment worn around the house
Anally: Occuring yearly
Anasthesia: A Russian princess you studied in school
Anesthetist: Stalker of bird houses
Ankle: Opposite of aunty
Antacid: Halucinagenic drugs used by little bugs
Anthrax: Trail made by ants
Antibodies: Things uncles are familiar with
Antibody: Your aunty is Elle McPhearson
Artery: Study of paintings
Asthma: What you do if dad says no
Atrophy: Prize for winning
Autoblast: A car horn
Autopsy: The hood of a car
Ax-Bi-Fem: A tool used by a woman to chop wood
Bacteria: Back door to a cafeteria
Bandages: Rock groups
Barium: What doctors do when treatment fails
Benign: What you are after you be eight
Bilateral: Someone who speaks two languages
Bisexual: A person who pays for sex
Blood Count: Dracula
Botulism: Making mistakes
Bowel: A letter like A, E, I, O, or U
Bronchitis: Dinosaur from the Plastasine Age
Bruise: A six pack of beer
Buck Fever: Incessant craving for dollar bills
Burger's Disease: From eating in too many fast food joints
Cardiac: Someone crazy about old cars
Cardioplasty: Credit card
Carditis: Addicted to poker
Caesarean Section: A district in Rome
Carpal: People who drive to work together
Catalyst: A guy who works on a ranch
Cataract: A whole lot nicer than a Chevrolet
Catarrh: Stringed instrument
Cathode Ray: The amount Ray billed Cathy
Cat Scan: Looking for kitty
Cauterize: Made eye contact with her
Cavity: Drinks from the menu
Cilia: Their kids
Colic: A sheep dog
Colostomy: Can't find Collin
Coma: A punctuation mark
Congenital: Friendly
Conjunctivitis: Prisoners littering their cells with trash
Cortisone: The justice zone
Cystine: Chapel with a painted ceiling
Cystogram: A telegram to your sister
D&C: Where Washington is
Delirium: A large room with meat hanging from the ceiling
Denial: Where Cleopatra swam
Dental: Condition of a car after a wreck
Diarrhea: Journal of daily events
Dilate: To live long
Dropsy: Inability to hold on to anything
Dyspareunie: Don't worry
Electrode: Amount due to the power company
Elixir: What a dog does to his master
Enema: Not a friend
Enteritis: A penchant for burglary
ER: The things you hear with
Eustachian: Where you catch the U train
Fester: Quicker
Fibula: Small lie
Fibrillate: Tell lies
Flatulate: Fix a tire
Flocculation: Admired by a group of birds
Fracture: Part of a whole
Galactose: Arch-enemy of the Fantastic Four
Gall bladder: An anti-Roman vessel
Gangreen: Gang colors
Ganglia: A bad part of LA
Gargles: Quasimodo's friends
Gastric: Something you can do with a bunsen burner
Genital: Non-jewish
Genome: Lawn figure
Genotype: Kind of girl Gino dates
G.I. Series: Soldier ball game
Gloss: Very shiny
Grippe: Suit case
Hangnail: Coat hook
Head nurse: Alka-seltzer
Hemorrhoid: What you offer to a hitchiker
Heparin: Name of a famous movie star
High Colonic: Jewish religious holiday
Homogenous: A brilliant gay
Homosexual: One who has sex at home
Hormone: A prostitute's cry
Humerus: Funny bone
Hymen: Opposite of high women
Hypodermic: Big, fat zoo animal
ICU: Peek-a-boo
Ileal conduit: Leave for Con to do
Impotent Distinguished: well known
Ingrown Hair: A rabbit raised indoors
Injection: Opposite of rejection
Inpatient Anxious: fidgety
Intense Pain: Torture in the teepee
Intern: One after another
Isodense: I ain't too smart
Kidney: The joint between a child's hip and ankle
Labor Pain: Getting hurt at work
Liver: A person who lives on and on
Lumbar: Wooden planks
Lymphocytes: Where people with sore legs can walk
Mammary: Something you remember
Mandible: Cannibal food
Medical Staff: Doctors cane
Megahertz: Hurts real bad!
Melancholia: A breed of dog that eats cantaloupe
Microgram: Small cracker
Minor Operation: Coal digging
Miscarriage: Losing your shopping cart
Morbid: Higher offer
Nanogram: Telegram delivered by your grandmother
Nitrate: Cheaper than a day rate
Node: Was aware of
Oral: Mountain range in Russia
Organic: Musical
Organ transplant: Time to call the piano movers
Otomy: My car not yours
Outpatient: Person who has fainted
Pap smear: Fatherhood test
Paradox: Two doctors
Pasteurize: Too far to see
Patella: To caress one's female companion
Pathological: The reasonable way to go
Pathology: Study of roadmaps
Pedicure: Prescription for Fido
Peduncle: What baby did on uncle's lap
Pelvis: Cousin of Elvis
Penis: To pee in Venice
Pharmacy: Cultivating the ocean floor
Phenobarbital: Peanut butter balls
Phlebitis: Why dogs scratch
Plaster cast: Free beer backstage
Platelet: A saucer
Pneumonia: Inventive complaining
Postoperative: Letter carrier
Prepuce: Before it turned dark
Prolapse: Nascar race track
Prostate: Flat on your back
Protein: Favoring young people
Rarefaction: A number not commonly used in math
Recovery room: Place to do upholstery
Rectum: Dang near killed him!
Relapse: Second time around the track
Resonance imaging: A DaVinci painting
Retractor: Second hand John Deere
Rheumatic: Amorous
Rhinoplasty: Charge card for the zoo
Scapula: Burger flipper
Scar: Rolled tobacco leaf
Sebum: A surfer
Secretion: Hiding something
Senile Viewing: an Egyptian river
Serology: Study of English knighthood
Seizure: Roman emperor
Shock: Ocean fish with sharp teeth
Speculum: Uncle Lum's glasses
Sphincter: An Egyptian statue
Squamous: Cell Pocahontas put it up for sale
Sterile solution: An option to the elevator
Supraclavicular: Interstate traffic pile-up
Surgery: A reason to get an uninterruptable power suply
Suture: Someone who works for customs
Systole: Your sister told on you
Tablet: A small table
Talus: Request an answer
Tension: What the officer demands of his troops
Terminal: Illness Getting sick at the airport
Testicles: Books of the Bible
Tibia: Country in North Africa
Tissue: God bless you!
Toe: To take away your car
Tolerance: What you get after giving growth hormone to ants
Transexual: Having sex while driving
Trapezius: Circus high-wire act
Triple bypass: Better than a quarterback sneak
Tubule: Two oxes
Tumor: More than one
Ulna: Name of a girl from Norway
Urinate: What a nurse says to patient in room eight
Urine: Opposite of "You're Out"
Urogram: Finally your son has a kid
Vagina: People who live in the state of Virginia
Varicose: Near by
Vas deferens: Not at all similar
Vein: Conceited
Vulva: Swedish automobile
Waiting room: Heavy space
Windpipe: Aboriginal musical instrument
Wound: Will not